Super Fast Ways to Get Cash
The bills are piling up and your bank account is plummeting down. You need cash, and you need it NOW. What to do?
Use your Body
She funded me with science! The medical departments of most universities are always looking for (willing) participants to experiment on. Becoming a human guinea pig for testing the effectiveness of new vaccines and medications is a nice (if potentially hazardous) way to make a chunk of quick change. Each trial usually pays in the few hundred range; extra cash if you have a specific disease or ailment they are lusting to test on.
Sell yourself! Not just in the empowering, figurative sense, but literally. You can sell your blood (roughly thirty bucks per draining), your hair (if it’s over ten inches, lustrous and …real – usually a couple hundred, but can even get you in the 1,000s), your sperm ($50 per shot) or eggs (2-3k), breast milk (price can vary, depending on vintage) and if you have a passport and a visa to a shady country, your organs (10k+!)
Praise this man Craig and his never ending list. Here you can sell literally any object under the sun, in a timely fashion, with no (or few) questions asked. Nothing is better for the soul, and your wallet, than getting rid of your old junkola. Got a pair of classic light-up roller-skates you haven’t worn in decades? Sell ‘em. A gigantic armoire that smells of rich mahogany? Sell it. A life-size collectible Chewbacca doll? SELL IT NOW. No matter how unlikely or bizarre the object, there is someone out there on the internet who simply must have it.
Take it back. If you’ve bought anything recently just take it directly back to the store from whence it came. Even if you lost the receipt, as long as you paid with credit or debit, there is an indelible record and you are entitled to getting your coinage returned in full (pending you haven’t inadvertently smashed it into a parking meter or police horse). No matter what it is, odds are you don’t really need it. If you’re having trouble letting go of any such objects, either because of sentimentality or simply because you are a hoarder, just think about how useless these material things will be if you are actually starving to death.
If the DIY faction of society has taught us anything, it’s that we can actually make (semi) useful things with our very own hands – and there are people who love these homey, kitschy, “artisanal” craft products. These folks will buy readily buy your beaded seashell jewelry, your homemade soap (like “Tyler Durden” in Fight Club!), your faux provincial mustard or hand knit sweaters for overweight hamsters. The weirder and more obscure the product the better. Now get on etsy.com and make some loot.
*Fun tip: setting your prices ridiculously high will bring you few customers, but will drive up the value of your finger-created commodities. This means more money for less actual work. Yay: The American Way.
Get to (Easy) Work
Have no discernible skills but lots of free time? Perfect! You’re now ready to be a babysitter. As long as you haven’t done serious jail time or dropped a toddler on its head, then you’re qualified. Babysitters make a ton of cash – and are paid in actual cash, too. Hate babies/kids? Not a problem; use your first payout for some noise canceling headphones and “work” in peace.
Help the Planet
Recycle like you mean it. Scrounging for tin cans for a few hours can be more profitable than you think – and will also make you feel warm and fuzzy when you realize that you are reducing your carbon footprint on the earth’s precious surface. It’s the right thing to do.
…Oh, also you can steal copper pipes from peoples’ homes and sell them to junk metal scrap yards (like “Bubs” on The Wire!).
Sell Your Diamonds
If you’re married/divorced/or lucky enough to have gotten diamond jewelry from a lunatic aunt, now is your chance to sell it for a maximum profit. However, selling diamonds on the otherwise useful Craigslist, or to a crusty pawn shop, will not get you a lot of money. The one and only way to do this is to sell your diamonds to reputable dealers – and the number one way to find them is through Diamond Lighthouse. We don’t buy diamonds; we help you sell them. By brokering the sale of your diamonds to professional buyers, we get you, and us (as we only make a commission from the sale) the most money ever thought possible. Find out how you can get cash for your diamonds nice and fast …right …NOW!