So we’ve done quite a few posts on how to make super fast cash in a super fast manner; to the point it seems we’ve fully exhausted the subject matter. Alas, we have vouchsafed all of the traditional methods available to most people, from selling blood to selling yourself as a bud. Now, however, we’re going to delve a little deeper into the weird world of inordinately expedited fiscal procurement.
found in translation
Were you raised by Astonian grandparents who inadvertently taught you your ancestral tongue as they routinely prepared goulash? Were you an overachiever in high school who learned how to parlez vous Français like Gerard Depardieu? Can you proficiently fake your way through a full on Spanglish ordering session at Taco Bell? Que bueno! Put those linguistic skills to use and pick up some lucrative part time work as an interpreter, translator or language instructor to a spoiled child whose parents want him to learn Sentinelese. To turn your tongue to funds, take a gander at this site jobs-to-careers.com, capishe?
If you actually enjoy talking on the phone (unlike most currently living humans), but hate leaving your home (either from agoraphobia or an intense proclivity for Netflix), you can get paid to chat. Customer Service chat, that is. Become a rep for one of the many large corps that hire stay-at-home homies (West at Home & Alpine Access are two major organizations always on the lookout for homebody chatters). So pick up that receiver and use your gift of gab to nab some swag.
Have no discernible talents but LOTS to say about things? Super duper; you are ready for a career in the fast paced world of Survey-Filling…Out. Another task you can complete from the comfortable milieu of your own domicile, survey completion typically takes about 20 minutes. The pay seems not so stellar (roughly 3 bucks a pop), yet if you bang out 3 in an hour, you’ve just made 9 clams – just for stating your preferences in deodorant scents or type fonts (please don’t ever pick ‘comic sans’). The more reputable online survey companies include Ipsos, Pinecone Research and Viewpoint Forum. Other exist as well, but make sure you do your due diligence and don’t sign up for any potentially scam-my ones ($3 = not worth having your identity stolen over).
“It’s Sweeps Week!” Yes, that is what you’ll be exclaiming every day if you pursue your dream job in the sweepstake arts. Granted, this is probably the lowest form of ‘gambling’ that exists, and the payout is usually not so grand, but the upside is that it costs you nothing to enter (so, technically, not even gambling). Essentially, all you need is the dream…not even the dollar. Start off with Online-Sweepstakes.com and see how you do. If you don’t see any results, don’t fret; Shark Week will be just around the corner, and you can potentially catch and sell a tasty mako.
Are you one of these people who is always on Yelp, leaving scathing reviews and exacting revenge for poor customer service, inferior products and vermin plagued brunches? Do you revel in engaging in Catfish-like scenarios, going undercover like a glorified Magnum P.I.? Perfect! Put your vindictive skills in the field of subterfuge to work for you and assume the meaty role of “Mystery Shopper.” It’s way more fun than just regular shopping, too; you sometimes get to ask odd questions and be unnecessarily demanding in bizarrely conceived situations. After it’s all done, you typically have to write up your experience, so a good memory and Jonathan Swift-like writing skills are prized. To scope out all the mystery shopper platforms available, go to volition.com for a comprehensive listing (to get in the mood, you can always search in “incognito” mode, if using Google Chrome – if you are using Internet Explorer for some reason, there are larger issues at hand…)
have some crowd-fun
If you’re not familiar with the concept of Crowdfunding, it’s time to get kickstarted. Have an idea for how to save the environment through using repurposed life-rafts? Want to send your child to cricket camp in Uganda for the summer? Looking to start an exclusive club dedicated to people who only watch Youtube videos of squirrels waterskiing? No matter how random the ‘business,’ or other idea, there is always one consistent commonality: you need money to get it off the ground. The craziest thing? There are people out there willing to help fund your possibly hair-brained endeavor. For a full aggregation of all the best crowdfuding sites, have a look here on Entrepreneur.com (and tell your friends).
need scalp with that?
Not everything that is going to garner you fast cash is going to be entirely legal. If there is a big event or concert headed to your town/city/hamlet, snag as many tickets as you can for it immediately and then start selling them online. You’ll find that once something is sold out, you can jack the price up significantly and still receive numerous hits (some people just need their fix of Miley!) If you haven’t sold them all by the day of the actual Ice-capade show or Monster Truck rally, head to the arena and get to scalpin’. The pro scalpers endemic to the area may try to run you off their turf, but just remember; you have just as much of a (non-)right to be there as they do(n’t).
casino-where left to turn
Last option: hit the local casino. Don’t waste time trying to ‘outplay’ other gamblers at the poker table. They are either better than you or have enough money to blow that they can take bigger risks; either way, you lose. Then cry. Best bet is to take whatever you’ve got and put it all on RED/BLACK. It’s basically 50/50 odds. So…you feelin’ lucky?
*If all else fails, you could always sell your old diamond jewelry for the absolute highest price in the known universe with the unwavering help of Diamond Lighthouse.